Doubts about my last semester

Life is frustrating sometimes, and i'm not sure whether is me that i think too much about it. Doing some self-reflections lately, whether my personality sucks to the core, issit somewhere i offended people without realising. Or because of my bad mood that really pissed people off.

Sigh~ I really have no idea... Can't find topics to communicate with people lately especially friends in the uni... Sometimes, is better to shut my mouth. Shuo Duo Cuo Duo... i'm not a good person anyway.. bad temper la.. dunno how to deal with situation la.. always in the wrong side..

Nothing seems to be right.. dunno.. perhaps is just me.. Is there a friction or a conflict somewhere.. i wish to know, issit me.. let me know.. tell me straight.. i can change.. sometimes.. i really dunno if i'm irritable.. mayb yes.. i do huh.. acting childish sometimes.. then i'm very sorry about it.. i really dunno where is wrong.. and what to do..

What is a friend? Who are my friends?

Can you imagine when you're online at night.. throught a few hrs.. and nobody actually msg you. So sad huh~ And all you can do is stare at the MSN window.. and see who is online.. perhaps all my friends are busy... You could say, why don't you msg them? Good question, i also dunno.. dunno wat to say to them as well..

Can i be anti-social for a while? But kel ar kel.. is a freaking sad human.. i will die w/o friends.. i will die if nobody talks to me.. if i start being anti-social.. think i'm having depression and guess what.. i may talk to the wall...

I'm not sure i'm being the right me now.. all these stuffs that i'm writing.. it doesn't seems normal ME... Suddenly i really dunno how to continue my semester.. each day i went in sit at the lecture hall.. listenting to the lecturer.. and that's abt much.. and heading to work.. and being alone again @ office.. mayb this is y mi mind go crazy sometimes...

Where is the love that i need? Friends love~ Family love~ Sigh... i need a real hug right now... sobs..

That day my brother was hospitalised.. and both my parents were panicking upside down... from then on.. i love my brother more than anything.. He's the only brother i have on this earth.. so i took my lunch break the next day to go hospital to see him... He's a bad tempered kid as well.. always fighting with me.. talk to me like i'm a nobody.. we alwaes shouting to one another.. using the pc la.. watching tv la.. all sort of things from young to now.. This is part of growing up ya.. we all grow old.. and now i see that he's much more mature.. handle things himself..

Family side... i guess everything is much okie.. Except that i'm waiting for a miracle day that one event will happen.. i've a strange family... if you know me well.. u noe wat it is..

I need to hang on to the things i'm doing.. especially my semester.. just wanna score good grades and really graduate! Nothing much more liao..

The social activities that i alwaes planned for my uni friends... i think tis semester.. gonna have none.. from now.. i've stopped asking them liao.. no point la.. what ktv, sentosa la.. zoo la.. like i'm the only one who wants to do all these so much.. Chuck all these aside liao.. don't ever mention to me sia.. It's really a disappointment i get...

Less than 2months to my bdae.. 23rd liao..

i don't plan to celebrate or what.. no need to buy presents as well.. save it ya.. i just wan to keep a low profile this year.. since it's a friday.. no school... i can work the whole dae and earn some money..

i've alot of projs to submit in between the week.. so sian.. i was thinking of goin a short getaway myself.. i'm feeling terrible over here liao.. Out of here.. mayb can calm me down as well.. relax for a day or two.. then come back.. i think tis is onli possible after my final exam..

I'm closing myself at home and faced all the textbooks everyday... can u imagine that?

-book worm-