bOring 22-11-07

It's a hell lot boring here.. today.. tomorrow..

Dunno.. nothing much i can do now.. seriously.. so sian.. just feelin so bored.. and wishing something can spike me up alittle.. no motivation nothing to make feel better..

When shoppin during lunch-break.. at citylink and managed to get a berm for 20bucks.. tot it was cheap.. mayb the material also nothing fantastic to fetch a higher price.. it was on sale.. and first time being in the shop and spend at the shop.. some sixties fashion or wat can't rem.. aniwaez some are on sales.. while a top cost 29.90.. quite nice top.. alot of working adults are getting it.. like 4 pieces or something.. aniwaez suit those skinny ones la.. me still gonna work hard to fit in those size..

Feels like sleeping liao.. dunno got the mood to hang around bugis village later.. or what i should do later.. dunno.. tot of goin for a pedicure.. i'm so lazy.. Beng can't meet me tonight coz her mum fell sick.. then i msg sush but she did not reply me.. dunno mayb she's busy ba..

Aniwaez.. tot todae was kinda weird.. having those weird feelings.. i dunno how to describe.. is something towards people have on me.. sigh.. am i being irritating again.. sorry la.. i'm really bored ma.. who are the frens whom i can msg with.. just you guys lo.. so sad... why.. i was walkin around miself for lunch-break.. eating lunch by myself.. been in the office all by myself todae.. i tot i had enough of being alone.. and just wanna find ppl to chat with.. still.. there is none that i can find.. lucky in between i had some work to do... but now i'd finished and waiting for mi boss to step in.. 1 more hour.. i feel like goin home.. i dunno.. mayb there's the only place where i think i still can find a bit of warmth or just feeling better being at home..

So sick of all these really... pathetic person i am... end of the day... i'm still being by myself no matter where i go... how envy i can be seeing people walking around in groups.. in two..

everything seems to be falling apart.. mayb i'm too sensitive.. mayb i'm alittle insane now.. mayb i need to occupy myself with stuff.. maybe i should shut myself.. maybe i wish i dun exist...

About my dream

Gasp.. i dreamt abt that MRT guy last nite.. and it was indeed a clear vision of him.. The scene took place with me and wen i think meeting a group of people.. and mostly are guys.. and then that mrt guy was at a corner.. I think wen was like introducing e MRT guy to me and i was taken aback that he was there.. So i sort of like whisper to wen that he's the MRT guy you know.. And we were left chatting.. Then there was this moment where we took picture.. i dunno is like wen, me and the guy.. and it was quite a close-up picture.. i remembered his arm was around my shoulder.. hmmz.. haha..

Then it was kinda like only two of us and we were playing around.. i dunno.. it sounds like u noe couple-doing.. and i was like poking him on his waist and he 怕痒.. kekekeke.. so funny.. And the dream kinda ended there..

What is the possibility of turning this dream into reality leh? Tis morning.. i woke up.. i really feel like getting to see him.. but dun haf la.. think i missed his timing again.. tis whole week.. he seems earli on train to work..

Aniwaez.. back to this week.. work is very lay-back.. and i'm doing research for the new company mi boss is setting up.. not sure how much i can contribute but i do whatever i can ba.. Really like a project on-hand..

Super lazy to do work todae.. guess the weather is so cooling for a good sleep.. wished i can slp in late.. dunno why mi dark-eye rings is still there.. like i haven had much slp.. but true la.. last nite really din slp much.. guess i kept tossing because i feel cold.. am i falling sick? So cold until mi blanket is not enough.. and i can't get into sleep.. after the dream.. So now i feel so zombie..

Last nite went to watch the game plan movie.. quite funny la.. the movie had made mi dae.. had a good time to laugh mi heart out.. especially the whole mornin and afternoon turns so sad.. when i wrote my entry ydae i was in tears oredi.. Think i still surpressed the feeling and pressure within me.. just that i haven let it all out yet.. i think if i did.. endless flow of tears..

Goin for mi lunch-break @suntec.. some window shopping or what la.. boring here man..

Kel

可以不可以借我你的肩膀靠？

At this very moment.. i wish i can ask someone this question... problem is who is that person? It nv strike mi mind who that person was.. but it just came into me this question.. and this is particulary y i like romantic princess.. Rem the startin when angela left the 'castle' and went back to her old house to find her parents.. she was crying in tears and den wu zhun appear.. so she popped this question and lean on his shoulder liao.. haha.. but i guess it would be really comforting in the arms of your loved one.

Ok la.. the previous blog.. it did teared me when i wrote it.. just the typing of 'grandmother' and my eyes are filled with tears.. mayb i'm facing a tremendous pressure.. especially by my mum and i think i can't breathe..

That 's y i really feel like escapin from here.. throw away all the things and just go outside n chill.. probably the main reason why i choose to go genting.. not because the rides are fantastic but sure is somethin to let out that pressure in me.. i don't think i will scream in a rollercoaster ride.. but i just want that fast feeling and you can forget abt everything.. every pain and worries..

The reason why i stayed on this job is because i'm being alone most of the time.. although it can be very freaky, lonely.. nobody to talk to.. but is a space that i enjoyed.. waitin to move into new office ba.. i guess with partner around.. with people walkin in/out of the place sld be better.. not sure..

Oh ya.. btw.. xian i dreamt of you and daniel together leh.. wahahaha.. so funny.. i woke up like ohh i did such a dream ar.. haa.. If really together, you two will have my blessing ar..

Bless me with one golden turtle soon leh!

Haha..

Kel

Pissed and Annoyed

When will this nightmare end? Ah ma... i also dun wish such things to happen.. trying ways and means to make things work it out well.. i'm seriously sick and tired of all these nonsense.. everyday telling me the same thing.. everyday callin me during mi office hours abt the issue over and over again...

i feel like crying.. i'm driving insane.. i really think mi high blood pressure going up now..

Geez..

When can mi mum ever stop all these? Can't she tell such thing happen and not what we all want? Can't she be more understanding? Does she ever thinks about it?

When every other people in the family is concern about it.. when everyone knows what should be done and tries to help.. though is not a simple issue that can be solve overnight.. but slowly we're easing the pain away..

Can she tell i'm very sad over it? Despite losing my grandmother... i already feel very lost.. somehow the dearest grandmother i can call out to everyday.. every night.. is gone.. u noe how much pain it caused me? I cried every night and don't dare to cry out loud.. tears just roll down mi cheeks and i cried to sleep.. who ever knows about all these?

I feel like escaping.. escaping to a place where i can be left alone..

I seriously dunno what i will do.. but i'm very xin ku..

I really dunno

Last nite was starin into space.. and forcing miself to sleep.. kept tossing in bed.. why why why...

it's not able stayin at mi aunt house.. but is just.. hmmz i kept thinkin abt tat thing which i should not..

i'm bored literally.. i can't find someone to talk to.. i can't find someone to go out with.. Hai.. i'm such a bored person.. or perhaps everyone is so busy with their own stuffs and ya.. who cares abt me aniwaez..

Silly.. silly.. tat's y i like to go sch.. make more frens and sch daes are much more fun than working daes.. i wish i've a huge circle of frens.. who they can include me with when they plan their stuffs.. now everyone is like having their own separate things to do.. i dunno.. who really cares abt me aniwaez.. Busy is just an excuse.. don't u find it? Just a mere sms wun kill.. just saying a HELLO wun kill.. or just sms for alittle chat will be alrite.. but who can think of that.. and who can i find such a person to talk to.. i can't and i dunno where i can find such a person.. As usual.. this kind of period where everyone else is busy except myself.. i can't blame no one.. is my own fault.. y don't i just find something to entertain miself.. yes.. tat's y i been indulging miself in watching youtube clips.. watching tv shows.. wat else.. doin mi cross-stitching.. all these are just to keep mi bordem away..

Hai... tat's so much one person can do to entertain ownself.. sigh.. wish i can have that little more courage to cope with loneliness i'm feeling now.. all along i tot i did it well.. but is time that it can't seems to hide away.. tears rolled down mi cheeks.. and i wonder why i had mixed feelings.. is not abt being sad but is just very xin fan.. i dunno y i'm feeling this way.. can someone tell me y?

I met my MRT guy.. twice this week.. and it's unbelievable qiao.. or sld i say i jump into the train when he board.. coz if not i'll miss it if i din walk faster la huh.. Watever.. i dunno.. see him liao abit shy.. dun dare to face him.. but wished i could biao from far.. but not today.. position abit not rite.. so i stood far away..

So that's abt him la... nothing fancy to talk abt.. so wat if we took the same train.. i noe his existance tat's all..

Okie.. dun wan2 bored ppl reading this.. i noe i'm such a pain sometimes.. see la.. i'm in the self-talk stage.. i think i'm goin crazy soon if i can't find someone to chat with.. how how..

Tot tonite goin out for 'supper', or at least not stayin @home.. in the end was cancelled.. okie nvm.. not tat i'm very keen in the meetup.. is just somethin else to do..

When i'm busy.. everyone said miss me la.. can't wait to go out together.. but when i'm free for the whole week.. there's no soul to meet me.. and further more no more sch means our uni gang dun even meet together liao.. dun need to go back sch..

One big part me felt so lost lidat.. yet i'm easily adjusting to the surrounding.. for now is all work and work and work.. endless of it... work till i'm 25 still the same.. i can't imagine.. what should i do really? So i can stop clinging onto mi frens.. complainin the whole hell of time that i'm so free lidat..

If only time can pause down.. i really wanna take a good break out of here.. to really cool down.. to san san xin.. to think it thru.. and come back with a new ME.. tat's wat i wan.. but i noe i can't.. so i'm still sticking back to mi old me..

Tell me wat to do coz i really dunno...